She sits you down. Breaks up with you. As smoke clears, that’s when she mutters that dreaded phrase no one ever wants to hear:
“It’s okay, we can still be friends… “
Her friend. That’s what you are to her right now. You went from as close and as intimate as two people can possibly be, and in the span of a single day, your ex suddenly wants nothing more than to be your friend.
Or DOES she?
You’ll hear lots of people tell you they ‘stayed friends’ with an ex after the break up. Hell, you might even see some of them hanging out. But that’s on the surface. That’s how things appear to be. In reality however, understand this:
YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX GIRLFRIEND
Nor do you want to. Because in any ‘friends’ with an ex situation, one person always wants the other person more. There are always unreciprocated feelings when it comes to breaking up, because every breakup has a winner and a loser. ALWAYS.
It’s always funny when you hear someone talk about a break up being “mutual”. This is unmitigated bull, no matter who spews it. Even if the couple is bad for each other, even if they drifted apart through constant fighting, in the end, there is always ONE person who said “Hey, this is over,” and the other person had to sit and pretend like they were in agreement with it, when in reality, that was the furthest thing from the truth.
How to Handle Being on the Losing End of the Break Up
Alright, now that you’ve realized yourself as the ‘dumpee’ and your girlfriend as the ‘dumper’, you can move on toward what you really want: getting your relationship BACK again. This is something you can only accomplish once you’ve accepted that your relationship is finally over, and not tried to drag it out through some lame “let’s be friends” junk.
Honestly, you don’t want your old relationship back. You want your girlfriend back. But you want her in a new relationship; one free from all the crap that caused your breakup in the first place. One that allows the both of you to start fresh, rather than have to rehash the same old stuff that you’ve been fighting about for months and even years.
Soon, you’ll use some shortcut strategies to change your ex’s mind. It’ll happen fast, so be prepared for it. But this can happen only if you’re willing to do exactly the opposite of what you’re doing now: breaking ties and moving forward. Cutting away the cords of your past relationship, and not embarrassing yourself by hanging on to some lame promise of friendship.
Why Being Friends With Your Ex girlfriend Never Works
There are lots of reasons why staying friends after your breakup is bad, but let’s first take a look at what your girlfriend wants. Ready? Good:
- She wants the security of knowing you’re ‘still there’ so it’s easier to break up with you.
- She wants that security because it ratifies her decision to break up with you.
- She wants to see you upset and despondent, because it makes her feel like she won when she broke up with you.
- She loves the attention of knowing you still love her while she remains at a distance, safely broken up with you.
See a pattern yet? Good. Because most guys who agree to the post-breakup “let’s be friends” nonsense don’t. They’re so desperate to remain in their girlfriend’s life – even as something as lame as a “friend” – that they’re willing to forget about the part where it virtually destroys any chance of getting her back.
When you stay friends with your ex, you’re giving her comfort. Security. Safety.
You’re giving her a shoulder to cry on. An ear to talk to, anytime she feels sad or lonely, so she can be cheered up.
Staying friends means she gets to see you NOT dating other people while you wait around for her. And yes, she totally knows you’re still waiting around for her.
Most of all, in asking to be your ‘friend’ your girlfriend has filed you away in that one place you never want to be: the friend zone.
Now the problem is, you want her back. But you want her back so badly that you’re willing to ‘do anything’ to get her, which means you’ll bite the bullet and be that good friend whenever she needs it.
What if You’re Friends with Your Ex Already?
Already made the mistake of staying friends with your ex girlfriend? That’s easy: dump her.
Yeah, that’s right: dump the friendship. You don’t have to be a jerk about it, just stop texting and stop calling and stop posting to her Facebook page.
And when she calls you? Stop taking those calls. Stop responding to her texts, and when she starts out with cute little feelers like “Hey, did you drop off the face of the Earth?” make sure those texts are met with even MORE silence.
The silence she feels should be deafening. Make HER lonely. Make HER wonder where you went. And after a few days of this? Respond with a single, mysterious line: “Sorry, been busy.”
It’s not her business what you’ve been busy with, because guess what: she’s not your girlfriend. Think about it: if you were to interrogate her as to what she’s been up to, she’d take it as you trying to stalk your way back into a relationship with her again. Therefore, she gets the same treatment.
There are lots of different ways to lure your girlfriend back, but the most important thing is to first have a step-by-step plan. Don’t act without knowing exactly how to handle the most common responses from your ex, and without knowing exactly what to say and do.