No matter how inevitable it seems, no matter how bad your marriage is right now, if you want to learn how to stop your divorce now, apply this advice. You will see an immediate improvement in almost any possible relationship – no matter how hopeless things seem!
First step: stop pleading, begging, and making promises!
The first step is to stop all pleading and begging. Just immediately stop. It just makes you look bad, and people don’t want what they have – they want what they can’t have! Use this to your advantage and start taking a more aloof stance. Not much can put someone off worse than begging and pleading – and it’s simply undignified. Have some pride!
Don’t make promises – don’t promise to change and don’t swear up and down that you have changed. When you do this, what your partner is actually hearing is ‘I won’t change,’ or ‘I haven’t changed at all.’ Just knock this off entirely. If change needs to occur, or you have changed, then let your actions speak, not your words.
The next step: stop arguing and start agreeing!
Immediately stop all your arguing. Quit being defensive – simply don’t argue, don’t defend yourself. Arguing takes two people – and remember, even if they are 90% wrong, that still means they are 10% right. If you focus on admitting that you’re wrong – even if it’s only for that 10%, it will sap their will to fight, immediately.
Start agreeing – this goes hand in hand with the last one. Just simply agree with everything – they will lose their willingness to fight. If you couple this with no longer being defensive about things, you’ll very quickly find them actually defending you!
This is a little counter-intuitive but it works. It also is a hard skill to develop, and you absolutely have to work at it, but it will be worth it in the end, as this tip alone can completely turn a relationship around.
Finally: less honesty, more compassion.
Most of us always try to walk a line between being compassionate and being honest. If in doubt, err on the side of kindness. If they look horrible in their new dress or shirt, don’t say ‘Well, I think it’s interesting,’ instead say that they look great! Be supportive, that’s your job as a spouse. If it comes down to lying, I fully condone it – as long as it’s done out of kindness.
What goes along with this is being more appreciative. Let them know you appreciate the little things, that you appreciate them. If you don’t call them enough, call them more. Compliment them on the little things. One of the single biggest factors in a lot of troubled relationships is simply that one or both people feel unappreciated.
I realize that some of these tips fly in the face of convention – or ‘common sense’ even.
If this is your belief after reading this article, let me ask you something – if you were doing things right would you be in the situation you’re in? Give this advice a shot – really put some work into it, and your relationship will improve dramatically.