The majority of guys who have just been through a bad break-up with their girlfriends tend to focus outwardly. Yes, they are feeling all of their misery on the inside, but they quickly start obsessing about their girlfriend who is – “out there.” They think: “I wonder where she is right now?” “What is she doing?” “What is she thinking?” “Has she moved on?” “Does she already have another boyfriend?”
They also think outwardly in other ways. They struggle to formulate a plan of action to get their ex-girlfriend back. What outward action can a guy take that will show the ex that he still cares about her? What should he say to her to convince her to give him another chance? It’s ongoing mental torture.
But it’s natural to fling out one’s thoughts onto the object of your desire – your ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately, the result is most often an increase in self misery. That’s because most of the stuff the guy tries to get his ex back fails. Some men try talking to the ex-girlfriend – she rejects what he has to say, if she agrees to listen at all. Result: frustration and misery. So he tries to get a friend to intervene. The friend makes a pitch to the guy’s ex-girlfriend. It does no good. More anger and disappointment.
All of this kind of activity leads many broken-hearted men into a state of general mental negativity. It’s understandable to enter into a mental state of perpetual bitterness – but the problem is often that the guy gets stuck in a vicious cycles of anger, frustration and self-pity. None of these conditions will do a single thing to get an ex-girlfriend back.
If a guy truly want his ex to come back to him, it is imperative that he STOP! He must stop Banging his head against the wall by repeatedly programming himself to get into a state of negativity thinking, and getting stuck there. Rather, it is extremely important that the guy start reprogramming his mind to become more positive. That’s because until a man gets into a positive state of mind, he will only continue self-destructive thinking patterns, and that is the worst way to get an ex-girlfriend back.
Having a positive mental attitude is one of the Master Keys to being a success at just about anything you want to do in life. If you have a positive attitude, you will make more money. If you have a positive outlook, other people will naturally react to you in a more favorable way. And yes, if you develop a positive mental attitude, you chances of getting your ex-girlfriend back will increase by a gigantic degree!
It’s not easy to get a grip, to stop obsessing and thinking negative thoughts about your break up and you ex-girlfriend. But as they say: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Step one is to do something you may not want to do. You might balk at this idea, but at least give this a try. You have nothing to lose at this point anyway. So get out a clean sheet of paper, or open a new word-processing file on your computer, and start writing down all the positive things that have resulted from your break up. What is actually good about the fact that your girlfriend left you?
At first you might think: “But there is absolutely nothing positive about my break up. It’s the worst thing that could have happened to me right now!”
Maybe. But if you force yourself to think about it, you can find positive aspects of your break up. For example, you might start by writing something like:
“My break-up with my girlfriend finally cleared the air. I knew things were going bad, and those problems finally came to a head. At least now I can stop worrying about whether my girlfriend will leave me or not. Now I can start trying to find a way to fix what went wrong.”
You see? This is hard work, but if you change your way of thinking, you can start getting back onto a more positive, constructive track. Let’s give one more example of something positive you might write about your break up.
“Maybe if we spend some time away from each other, we can both clear our minds and have a chance to think about what went wrong in our relationship without being interrupted by all the constant arguing. At least all the arguing has stopped now.”
Great! You are now going down a path that will lead to positive change, and you are taking the necessary steps toward getting your ex-girlfriend back.
Strive to make a list of at least 10 positive aspects of your break up, no matter how hard it is. You might even have to make things up, or write things down that you don’t necessarily believe. It’s doesn’t matter. The goal is to start training the mind to get into a more positive, constructive mode. All human beings are creatures of habit. The more you repeat a certain behavior, the more likely that those behaviors will be repeated over and over again. Positive thinking is habit-forming – but to jump-start the process, you must force yourself to do it.
It is also important to develop a general positive thinking attitude in general, and in all aspects of your life, not just those aspects associated with your relationship, or your former relationship. Think of it as laying the groundwork for rebuilding your relationship from the ground up. A garden does not grow well unless the gardener first does a lot of hard work to prepare the soil. You have to till the soil, pick the weeds, apply fertilizer – one must do all kinds of work before you plant the seeds that will later blossom into a beautiful crop of fruits or flowers.
Start focusing on all of the positive aspects of your life. Yes, your girlfriend has walked out for now, but you still have friends and family who care about you. Maybe you have a good job and are a valued employee at your place of work. You are alive and on the planet for a reason! If there was no positive purpose for you to be here, you would not be here at all!
When people start erasing all of the negative thinking from their lives, they often discover that amazing things mysteriously start happening. Have you ever noticed how some other people always seem to be getting all the breaks, they date the prettiest girls, they get the best jobs, they get to do all kinds of things that are fun and interesting?
It’s no accident! Too many people theorize that those “other people” are happy and positive all the time because they are “lucky” or have been given more natural talent, or were “born rich.” But the truth is, good things happen to people who lay the groundwork for positive mental development, who train themselves to find the good in every situation, even when bad thing happen to them.
When something terrible happens to a person with a positive mental attitude, the first thing they say of think is: “Well, this may be terrible, but something good has to come out of it!” They look for opportunity in danger. They convert lemons into lemonade. Like a judo expert, they strive to use the strength of their enemies against them. They leverage bad times into good times.
This very same attitude works extremely well in repairing a relationship that has gone bad. It lays the groundwork, creating that overall positive situation that will make it possible for your ex-girlfriend to want to come back to you.
One of the truest statements ever made is: “That which does not kill you, only makes you stronger.” You may have felt like you were dying inside when you relationship went bust, but it didn’t kill you! The fact is, you’re still here, you have your mind, your heart, your resources – you have everything you need to repair your relationship, or rebuild your life if things ultimately don’t work out just the way you want them to.
You may want to find a book or two about positive thinking methods, and also on relationship repair. There are many titles and some are better than others. But the important thing is that you stop wallowing in the hurt and misery of your broken relationship. It is also extremely important that you stop blaming and fostering negative thoughts about your ex-girlfriend. Most important, you must stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself and your situation. You’re a good person with an important purpose in life, no matter what it might be.
You can change a bad situation to a good situation. If you develop a positive mental attitude, your girlfriend may be back in your arms far sooner than you might ever imagine. Believe it.