The other day I was talking to a woman who was cheated on pretty badly. I told her I working on a blog and if she didn’t mind, could she provide the steps she used to get over being cheated on.
Here’s how it went down: Her and her husband were young when they got married. It was a unique situation, because they weren’t living together. She was living with her parents and he was living with his.
The plan was simple: He would go out into the world –> make some money –> buy a house –> they would FINALLY be able to live together and start a family.
As you can imagine, as the months rolled on, she was impatiently waiting for the special day when he visited her and told her that ‘today is the day!’ Unfortunately, it didn’t quite go like that. She found out that he wasn’t working or even looking for a job. He was basically sleeping around with different women.
If that weren’t bad enough, he suggested that she be in a relationship with him and his new girlfriend.
That’s basically the gist of it (and the short-version of the story). The point is, she got over it and is now happier than ever. She says that she is now in an amazing relationship. So the following are her four steps for getting over an affair.
Step 1: Let your feelings flow – In other words, if you need to cry for several months to get it out of your system, then do it.
Step 2: Give yourself a time limit – Instead of crying everyday for the rest of your life, tell herself, “Ok. I will allow myself to be sad, but only for seven more weeks”.
Step 3: Work through each emotion and feeling – Often times when someone is cheated on, they are layers of emotions and feelings that are at work: The feeling of betrayal. The feeling that you should never trust the opposite sex again. The feeling that you weren’t good enough. The feeling that you were sexually inferior. The feeling that you weren’t attractive enough. The feeling of being tricked. The emotion of an unmet expectation. She’s a believer in identifying all of the emotions/feelings.
Step 4: Turn your emotions toward positive growth – She believes that you have to put each emotion in perspective and use it for growth. For example, if you get cheated on and one of the dominant emotions is “the feeling that you should never trust the opposite sex again”, she believes that you should put that in perspective the right way. Instead of repeatedly saying “all men are dogs”, say things like, “Some men cheat. Some men don’t cheat.”
So those were her four steps.
At some point, I’ll share my beliefs about surviving an affair.